why blog – Louise Broadbent

I don’t know why I blog.

I haven’t worked on the novel since 5th September.

Other than a short story I wrote for a competition which took about four days, I haven’t written since 5th September.

Now I don’t know why I wrote that short story or why I entered that competition. It all seems rather pointless. Obviously if I win, that would be amazing, but it’s not going to happen. The story’s OK. That’s pretty good for me – to say it’s OK – but in reality it probably isn’t. I mean, right now I think it is but I bet if I read it in a year’s time I’ll hate it. Which is good, it means I’ve improved. But it also means the story’s crap.

I also don’t know how I managed it. How I made myself write that story and enter it. Doing something like that now seems impossible.

If everything I write today I’ll hate in a year’s time, what’s the point? But if I write something and still think it’s good in a year’s time, that’ll mean I haven’t improved in a year.

I don’t know which is worse.

Some people say they love writing. I just don’t get that. I used to – when I was in school. I don’t know when I stopped.

I like to think it makes me a better writer – to not like writing – but I probably just tell myself that to feel better about it.

I feel superior to people who say they love writing. Like they’re amateurs and I’m a real writer because I hate it. But who’s the real writer – the person who does it everyday and loves it or the person who avoids it for months? Maybe I’m just jealous.

I don’t know who I am or what I’m doing or where I’m going.

And I don’t know why I blog.

So apparently I have forgotten about Friday Flashing for the last few weeks. Not sure what’s going on there. I did spend last Friday convinced it was Wednesday but still. Anyhoo it got me thinking. Do I need to do it every week? Should I feel guilty for missing one (or three)? Well, should I?

I guess it could lose me readers. Is anyone disappointed that I haven’t posted one in a while? Will it stop anyone coming back? We’ll never know because you won’t be back to say.

Why even write a blog? To gain a following? I haven’t even written a novel, yet. Like any readers of this blog will buy my book in, what, 10 years time. It’s unlikely. So why then? To share my unique thoughts and feelings? They’re not so unique. Most of what I blog is just fluff. Most of my friday flashes are mediocre at best. That’s not because my writing is generally mediocre but more because I feel forced to do it so I just sort of fling something out there, anything, as long as it’s a Friday flash.

Besides, blogging takes up writing time I could use to, I don’t know, write a novel. So, why should I do it?

I’m going to do what any modern person with a question would do. Ask google.

…

Google’s got answers but nothing new. It’s all: to build a platform; to engage with your readers; to get involved in the writing community.

I guess the problem is I don’t really feel that I’m managing any of those things. Perhaps that’s because my blog isn’t that good. It’s probably OK but just nothing new or special. Maybe the solution isn’t to give it up but to do it better.

I want to write professionally – to make a living through it. So maybe I should start treating my writing as a profession, not a hobby. (To be fair, it isn’t really either. It’s just another thing I should be doing. Feel the passion.) My writing is my business. This blog should be like one big advert for it. That’s why other types of businesses have blogs, right?

Hm, I feel an overhaul coming on.

Anyone else feel like this from time to time? Come on, fellow bloggers, tell me: why do you blog?