- Just because you’re attracted to me does not mean I’m automatically attracted to you. I might be or I might not be but you finding me attractive and stating it has no effect on whether or not the feeling is mutual. At all.
- Do not expect me to be grateful/amazed/overcome at the news that you are attracted to me. These things happen and you telling me like you’re doing me a huge favour or no-one has ever thought to mention it before is, at best, baffling and, at worst, insulting.
- Accepting that some people are attracted to me and this isn’t life-changing news does not make me arrogant/big-headed. I’ve probably heard it before. Nor does it mean I expect people to be attracted to me. Some are, some aren’t.
- Just because I’m friendly with you does not mean you’re ‘in there’. I’m probably just being friendly.
- Don’t be insulted if the feeling isn’t mutual. Refer to rule 1.
- And don’t get angry about it. I did not lead you on. You led yourself on. Refer to rule 4.
- Chances are if I’m attracted to you, I’ll make it clear. I won’t resort to telling you outright but you’ll know. Therefore, if you’re not sure, I’m probably not.
- If I mention my boyfriend in conversation, you need to back off. But not to the point where you’re sulking about it. Some people are in relationships. It’s not fair to guilt-trip me about that.
- If I mention my boyfriend in conversation, please do not see this as a ‘challenge’. It is not a ‘challenge’, it is a clarification of the situation – I’m not into you. I may even have made up the boyfriend. This does not change the fact.
- Really, it doesn’t matter whether I have a boyfriend or not – if I’m not interested, I’m not interested. Similarly, it does not matter how ‘serious’ the relationship is. If it’s open and I’m interested in you, I’ll make that clear. If I don’t say otherwise, assume it’s exclusive.
- If you insist on pushing the point when you know I have a boyfriend, I’m going to think you’re a dick. Because you probably are.
- Leeriness is never an attractive quality. It makes me uncomfortable. Please don’t look at me like that. I’m a person, not that different from you. Think of your parent/child/sibling/ friend – how would you feel if someone was looking at them the way you’re looking at me right now?
- Just because you’re attracted to me does not give you the right to touch me, verbally assault me, follow me or in any way harass me. I don’t owe you anything.
- Unless, I’m attracted to you, I don’t care if you think I’m hot or not. I don’t need your approval.
- I have other attributes. Qualities I’ve worked on and have some influence over. How I look is up to chance. Don’t use my looks to validate me or whether or not you’re ‘attracted’ to my personality. Your attraction to me is not my aim. There are better ways to complement me.
The ‘you’ in the above is a fictional male based on several experiences I have had, culminating in an exaggerated individual. Of course, the ‘you’ and ‘I’ could be either gender but I only have experience as a female interacting with males. We all see each other as sexual objects and therefore objectify those we’re attracted to, though.
If anyone has any rules to add or any horror stories to share, please comment below!