Birthdays Do Not Magically Transform All Women Into Free Prostitutes

Last night I decided to go out and get drunk in the Lizard (the only nightclub in St Andrews) because I’d spent the day reading through what I’d typed up so far and despairing at how terrible it all was. These things happen.

So, there we were, getting our groove on and pulling some sexy shapes and generally having a good time. There was a bit of a weird vibe in that my female friend and I (also female) seemed to be the only females there. (Actually, that isn’t true – there were three girls dancing in a corner but all the men left them alone and gathered around us like a flock of seagulls round someone with food. My friend believes it’s because they were dancing in a circle but that’s not something you can achieve when there’s just the two of you so, in my opinion, they cheated.) Either way, it did feel like two girls in a club full of men (full’s a major overstatement: the club was not busy by any stretch of the imagination but you get my point. We were outnumbered.) This was OK, though: no-one really tried anything. One guy asked me to salsa at one point but he seemed harmless enough. And he left me alone when I said no.

But then the night ended in a rather abrupt and, well, horrible, manner. It was one young lad’s birthday. We already knew this because the DJ had said something about it earlier in the night. So for some reason, his friends decided to crowd around me and ask me for a dance with his friend because it was his birthday and he fancied me. My immediate reaction was: how old is this kid? Now, I know this makes no difference – I wasn’t going to dance with someone because it was their birthday – but I just wanted to know how offended I should be. At first he was 19, when I said I was 25 (hoping that would put an end to it) they decided he was 23. 19 was more plausible.

These boys were persistent. When I refused the dance, they asked for a hug. When I refused this they jumped to handjob. That’s right – they asked me to give their friend a handjob. Why they think I’d be more up for that than a hug, I have no idea, but I then proceeded to tell them that I wasn’t a free prostitute who gave out sexual favours as birthday presents. They then tried to convince me by saying he’d had a hard life. Oh, that made it all right then. The poor boy clearly just needed someone to touch his cock and everything would be better.

When it became clear to them that it wasn’t going to happen, one of them decided to have a go, himself.

‘It was my birthday last month. I’ve had a hard life, too.’

Right. Sure you have, unfortunately, that’s not my problem.

At one point, I got so frustrated that I decided to try and throw their ‘birthday logic’ back at them.

‘It’s my birthday today.’

‘Is it?’

Their excitement made me see that this tactic could only backfire on me. ‘No.’

In the end, the only thing I could do was leave. The club was closing anyway, so this didn’t matter but I still cannot understand how anyone can think it’s OK to ask someone to give their friend a handjob because it happens to be his birthday.

Anyone got any insight?


9 thoughts on “Birthdays Do Not Magically Transform All Women Into Free Prostitutes

  1. Honestly, I get the dancing part. The guys were obviously not very cool and completely unaware of how to deal with women, and I’m assuming their friend was even less cool. Heck, he’s probably never even danced with a woman.

    So, I understand his somewhat cooler friends, who are complete losers who still need their heads knocked together, asking you to dance with him.

    And from my perspective, assuming they weren’t drunk a–holes, I think a dance with him that wasn’t some kind of slutty grinding would have been a nice thing to do and would have helped make his day.

    I’m curious what your boyfriend thinks of this and would love for you to tell me. I definitely wouldn’t mind my wife dancing with some 19 year old kid who needed his day made.

    If I’m worried about someone 19 year old taking my wife, I’ve got bigger problems to worry about anyway. And given you look good to say the least, I’ll bet your boyfriend is a stud and probably not the least bit worried about some 19 year old who hasn’t even graduated college — and apparently never even learned to approach a woman.

    Sorry to hear you’re struggling with the writing. What’s your next deadline/timeframe?

  2. Some men believe they are entitled to a woman’s attention, time, and energy whether she likes it or not simply because she is a woman. While there’s certainly nothing wrong with asking for a dance, at the point where you say no and they continue to press you it becomes harassment. Men who push like this will often attempt to manipulate women by appealing to their good nature and desire to be polite. “I’m just being friendly.” It’s par for the course for this type of harassment to turn sexual (if it didn’t start out that way) and even threatening when the woman doesn’t respond positively to the pressure. When you refused the dance and they asked for a hug, they were upping the stakes on you; they could see they weren’t going to win, so they went into attack mode. Clearly if you didn’t want to dance, you didn’t want to hug the guy. And you are in no way obligated, nor should you feel at all pressured, to dance with someone you don’t want to no matter how nice a thing it might be to do. The guy who left when you said “no” understood this. The others engaged in misogynist bullying, nothing less, and you’re absolutely right to be alarmed and even outraged by it. Some people might say you are overreacting. You’re not. Thanks for writing this.

  3. UM! I can only say I wish I had been there. For a number of reasons, but mainly that my brash Americanness would totally have had your back and plus me would have made three — we could have made a circle too.

    Anyway, good comments. You’re right on. Totally immature and inappropriate move, especially the hand job bit, but honestly, I just think the whole thing is obnoxious. Why can’t no mean no?

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