You find me fresh from a meeting with my tutor, J, today. Well, actually, it was about an hour ago, now and I’m not feeling so fresh (lack of sleep) but, you know. Fresh-ish. The meeting went well and I have a new project. I don’t want to jinx it by going into too much detail but it’s going to be gothic. And good, if I can pull it off. I’m mostly worried that I won’t be able to but we’ll see. In my head it’s good. I’ve only got bits and pieces at the moment and I’m a little scared of working on it with any amount of intensity in case it turns out not good. It feels very fragile at the moment. Also I’m a little afraid of getting sucked in. It won’t be a pleasant thing to be sucked into. But we’ll see.
Either way I’m feeling a lot better about this course. For the first time since I got in I actually feel like I deserve to be here. And for the first time since beginning the course, like I’ll get a lot out of it. But you know how it goes, one minute you’re up and everything is great – your project is the best thing ever and everything’s going to be different and the next your down again and everything is awful – your project is shit, you’re shit and nothing’s going to change. Honestly, I was really positive about an hour ago. Someone even said I looked chuffed. But I’ve lost my favourite pen and I think that’s thrown me. I wanted to get back and write with it but could not find it anywhere. I tried writing with my other fountain but it’s just not the same. It seems like a bad omen or something. That and the dream I had last night, in which I had another amazing idea (as in I had an idea in the dream not just I had a dream which could be an idea) but I can’t now really remember. There were wolves and blood and axes and a snow/ice child. That’s all I’ve got. But I was really excited about it in the dream.
Shall I ramble on a bit longer? Nah. It’ll just be more of the list of what I’m scared about concerning this novel, now. For example, I want to work on it but I’m not sure how. I know I’m not ready to write but should I pre-write? Read? Research? All of the above or could some of it damage it. I’m worried about being too influenced at this stage. Do you know what I mean? The writers out there might. I hope. I hope it’s not just me.
Also Riddley Walker. Yeah. All I’m gonna say about Riddley is it had better be worth it in the end. Otherwise…
Oh and don’t forget to vote, here. And if you want any of the options explaining just leave a comment.
K thanks bye