Attractive, blond, 26-year-old damsel in distress needs hero to save her from highest tower of boredom. Must be involved in some kind of adventure, ideally dangerous, and sweep her along for the ride. Would prefer hero to be tall, dark and ruggedly handsome with tortured soul and brooding mind. Out for revenge is OK. Apparent lack of need for money is essential. In return, damsel will listen to tale of woe and give support, comfort and company, not to mention will-they-won’t-they love interest. Find me at Tesco Head Office. Hurry.